Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
