Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
