so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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