What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
as a side note pls kill me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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