the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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