I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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