Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
