Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
