Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
