There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
