I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
