Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
