tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
