cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
