if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
