im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
