When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
