if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
