Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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