my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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