OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
