I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
