the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
