i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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