I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize