I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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