Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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