so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
