We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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