HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
