yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
