Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
