This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
