your parents love me but you hate me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
