i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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