Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
