At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
