pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
