WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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