dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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