She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
