Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
