so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
