Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
