Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize