i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
