You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
