Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
