She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
