I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how drunk are you?
Several
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
