I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
