He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
