I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
