I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am naked and annoyed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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