dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
