Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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