you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
