So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
