I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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