if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
