true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what day is it and did you see me today?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
